Originally written on my xanga site on April 21, 2006.

Where are you? I walk past you in your dreams, but you don’t even know who I am. You seek for me in everyplace but you forget that I have been home in your heart all along. At times you hide from me, but you forget that my love is so strong that it will go through anything to find you. Sometimes, you whisper my name as you fall into deep sleep. How I long for you to say my name while your awake and fully concious of your desire for me! Though you try to fill this desire with people, things, tasks goals, deep down inside what you are seeking is me. I reach out to hug you when you are coming my way, but all of a sudden you take a sharp turn and my grasp doesn’t reach, and I am there standing alone with my hand reaching out for you. My hand is always reaching out. When will you grab a hold of it? I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you and there is nothing, no one that can ever change my mind. You are my most prized treasure, and when I look into your eyes every fear is chased away. Whisper into the depths of my heart and breathe into the deepest part of my soul. Teach me how to fly!

Have you ever felt that God had spoken something into your life, some plan he has for you, some dream he has dreamed for you, a portrait he has painted just for you? But then everything that can come against all of that does come against it. Does that mean that God doesnt intend that for you? I see so much uncertainty when it comes to this portrait that he has painted because i see the strokes of my life and they are not painting that picture. But how can the picture tell the Artist how to create it? Someone who love dearly told me that when something is meant to be, when something is God’s will, there are no obstacles, nothing that gets in the way, no difficulty at all. But can this be true? Can it be true that because things arent going as I planned them, that it means that God is not really painting this portrait but that I have taken his brush and decided to piant the picture myself. Or are there certain things about faith, about waiting, about loving and trusting God, that make those strokes seem perfectly beautiful. Does anything make sense to anyone out there reading this. Maybe I should be more clear.

I find myself wondering what things I need to let go off, or better to say of whom i should let go off. If someone was in your life for a while but then for whatever reason they have gone away does that mean that they are not meant to be in your life at all? Can you someone please hear my voice…speak Im listening.

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